Jenny O’Doherty went into surgical menopause at 41.

What followed was not the gradual transition she had expected. Jenny describes the change as happening “bam, overnight” and says she was unprepared for how profoundly it would affect both her physical and mental health.

Alexander Clementine founder Alex Perry spoke with Jenny, founder of Menopause Life by Jen, about her experience of surgical menopause, the symptoms she never expected, why she believes women need to know and trust their own bodies, and what she wishes had happened before her surgery.

Content note: Jenny speaks openly in this interview about self-harm and a severe mental health crisis following surgical menopause.

Key takeaways

Jenny went into surgical menopause at 41 and describes the change as happening “bam, overnight”. She wishes she had spoken with a menopause specialist before surgery and been better prepared for what would happen afterwards. Her strongest advice to other women is to know their bodies, trust when something does not feel right and advocate for themselves. Cognitive symptoms continue to have the greatest impact on her day-to-day life, but Jenny now describes feeling more empowered and less dependent on other people’s validation.

What was Jenny’s biggest misconception about menopause?

For Jenny, one of the biggest surprises was age.

Before her own experience, she imagined menopause happening much later in life. She had also associated it predominantly with one symptom: hot flushes.

“Honestly, I just thought it was hot flushes.”

As she began learning more, that perception changed.

“What do you mean, 45? What do you mean there’s, like, 40-plus symptoms?”

Jenny says the discovery that menopause could begin much earlier than she had imagined was a “shock to the system”.

What unusual menopause symptoms did Jenny experience?

Jenny struggles to select one unusual symptom because her own experience has included so many.

One significant change involved driving.

Despite previously being a confident driver, she began to dislike reversing and driving in the dark.

“I’m actually starting to get quite fearful of driving.”

She also describes dry mouth, sore ears, itchy skin, recurring thrush, aching muscles and joints, and a crawling sensation beneath her skin.

“I get this sensation of ants walking underneath my skin.”

Cognitive changes have been particularly noticeable too.

Jenny describes leaving her keys in her car, searching for her phone while already holding it and struggling to find words when speaking.

For her, the number and variety of symptoms reinforce one of the points she repeatedly makes throughout the conversation:

“Everyone’s menopause or perimenopause… it’s just different for absolutely everyone.”

What does Jenny want men to understand about menopause?

Jenny’s message to husbands, sons, fathers, brothers and male colleagues is centred on awareness.

“Educate themselves a bit as well.”

She believes men do not need to undertake formal study, but says there is now information available that can help them understand menopause and better support the people around them.

“How can you help somebody on something that you have no idea about?”

Her message is repeated emphatically:

“Awareness, awareness, awareness.”

Jenny also hopes menopause becomes a more normal conversation for younger generations. She says she is already talking about it with her own grandchildren.

What is Jenny’s biggest advice for someone beginning menopause?

Jenny’s answer is immediate:

“Know your body.”

She believes women should pay attention when something does not feel right.

“Don’t ignore your gut feeling.”

Her own experience has made self-advocacy particularly important to her.

“Know your body, and advocate for yourself.”

Jenny says women do not have to accept an answer simply because it comes from a healthcare professional if they still feel something is wrong.

Her advice is:

“You just keep advocating for yourself.”

What happened when Jenny went into surgical menopause at 41?

Jenny had undergone previous gynaecological surgery before having her remaining ovary and cervix removed at 41.

She says there was no meaningful menopause conversation with her before surgery and little discussion afterwards beyond being told she would need HRT.

Around six weeks after the operation, once the immediate surgical recovery had begun to settle, Jenny says she realised something was very wrong.

“I just didn’t feel myself.”

Her mental health then deteriorated severely.

Jenny describes experiencing self-harm, hiding sharp objects around her home and becoming a danger to herself.

“I cannot stress to you… how concerning my behaviour was.”

The crisis continued for several months.

Following a particularly serious episode of self-harm, Jenny says she realised how close she had come to losing her life.

She eventually contacted a private doctor after feeling unable to access the support she needed elsewhere at the time.

When initially offered an appointment six weeks later, Jenny told the secretary:

“I wouldn’t be alive in six weeks.”

She was seen sooner.

Jenny describes that appointment as the beginning of her recovery.

What changed when Jenny finally felt listened to?

For Jenny, one of the most important parts of that first specialist appointment was simply having somebody validate what she had been experiencing.

“Somebody actually validated what I was saying.”

She says the doctor explained her symptoms in the context of her surgical menopause and treatment.

Jenny describes the appointment as the first time in months that she felt heard.

“I personally think that she saved my life.”

Recovery was not immediate. Jenny says finding what worked for her involved trying different approaches over a period of time, and she continues to see the same doctor for checks.

But being listened to marked a turning point.

Why does Jenny talk openly about self-harm?

Jenny says she once might have struggled to understand why somebody would self-harm.

Her own experience changed that.

“It’s a cry for help, right?”

She now speaks about what happened because she does not want someone experiencing something similar to hide because of shame.

“They really shouldn’t feel ashamed, because they’ve got nothing to feel shameful about.”

For Jenny, openly discussing her experience is part of helping someone else feel less alone.

As she says earlier in the interview:

“If my chaos can help someone else’s chaos, then that’s good for me.”

What does Jenny wish had happened before her surgical menopause?

Jenny wishes she had seen a menopause specialist before surgery.

She believes there should have been an informed conversation about what was going to happen, what she might need afterwards, why she might need it and the different options available to her.

“You’re ready and you’re prepared.”

For Jenny, preparation should happen before someone arrives at hospital for surgery.

She believes women should understand what could be about to happen and what they need to do afterwards.

“Being fully informed… being ready for it, because you know what it is.”

What was different about surgical menopause for Jenny?

The biggest difference Jenny identifies between her own surgical menopause and the experiences of friends who went through a more gradual transition is speed.

“For me, to my friends, it’s the speed.”

She describes friends experiencing a more gradual change.

Her own experience felt completely different.

“Mine happened, like, bam, overnight.”

And:

“I went from absolutely fine to just… jumped off a cliff.”

Jenny says she had not understood beforehand that it could happen so suddenly.

“I hadn’t had that conversation.”

Which menopause symptoms affect Jenny most now?

Today, Jenny says cognitive symptoms remain particularly difficult.

“Not being able to get my words out.”

She describes forgetting words while speaking in meetings or presenting in front of other people.

At times, the severity frightened her.

“To the point where I was like, ‘Oh my God, am I getting dementia?’”

Jenny describes her experience as:

“Brain fog on steroids.”

For somebody whose work involves meetings, presenting and communicating, suddenly losing a word mid-sentence can have a significant impact on how she feels.

How did menopause affect Jenny’s confidence?

Jenny says menopause affected areas of her life in which she had previously felt confident.

Driving is one example. Speaking socially is another.

She also describes the experience of presenting to a room while simultaneously dealing with sweating, crawling sensations under her skin and difficulty remembering words.

“It has a profound effect on how you perceive yourself.”

At times, she remembers asking:

“Who am I?”

Jenny says she felt she was no longer the same person she had been.

But her perspective has changed with time.

“I think I’m a better person now.”

She describes herself as more empathetic and happier, although she makes clear it took time to reach that point.

From losing confidence to feeling empowered

Jenny now describes feeling more in tune with herself and less dependent on other people validating what she feels.

“I think I just feel more empowered, if I’m being honest.”

Her experience has changed the way she responds when she feels something is wrong.

“I don’t need anyone’s validation. I know what I feel.”

And while she speaks candidly about how difficult menopause has been, Jenny does not see this stage of life solely as an ending.

When Alex refers to some people's perception of menopause being “the end”, Jenny immediately responds:

“It’s the beginning.”

She describes women she knows becoming more assertive, finding themselves and caring less about meeting everybody else’s expectations.

Her own conclusion is equally clear:

“I’m just happy and empowered to be me.”

About Jenny O’Doherty

Jenny O’Doherty runs Menopause Life by Jen alongside a career in property spanning more than 20 years.

Her menopause-awareness work developed from her own lived experience and the experiences of women around her.

Jenny speaks openly about surgical menopause, mental health, self-advocacy and the importance of women feeling heard.

This conversation forms part of Alexander Clementine’s Expert Conversations, sharing first-hand perspectives from people working in and speaking about menopause and women’s health.